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“Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not
fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it
my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will
not be disqualified for the prize.”
(1 Corinthians 9:26-27)

St Paul was a fighter. I don’t think he ever competed in the
ring, but that wasn’t because he lacked the discipline or was
afraid of the pain.

I always say that to be a fighter you need to have two things
going for you. Firstly you need to have a lot of energy inside
that needs release. Secondly, you need to be not too concerned
about your own health. This fits the profile of most of our young
men perfectly - on the edge of the drug culture, full of
testosterone, and with no thought for the future. It also fits
perfectly the profile of another group - single fathers,
struggling to gain access to their children.

That was how I got into the fight game. I hadn’t taken it up as a
teenager, and I certainly hadn’t been born into it. My dad was a
priest for God’s sake, and an academic. Fighting had not been my
birthright. I came in through the back door of pain and
loneliness and bitter struggle.

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Separated, and struggling for the right to see my daughter, I had
made one half-hearted attempt at suicide already by that stage.
And I had met with my bishop the following day and he had told me
not to ‘trade off’ my situation (in other words, not to get too
comfortable). I appeared to be losing my family, my vocation, and
most of my friends at the same time. Full of emotional energy,
obsessed with thoughts of self-destruction, and drinking way too
much, I managed to find my way to the Mundine gym. It was my
decision not to go under, but to fight back.

Mundine’s is situated in the middle of Everleigh Street, Redfern
- the roughest street in one of the roughest neighborhoods in our
city. Redfern is a largely Aboriginal suburb on the outskirts of
central Sydney. In recent years the government has come through
and ‘cleaned it up’ somewhat, which meant pushing a lot of the
local residents further out west. Even so, it is still a rough
area.

I had grown up in the vicinity of Everleigh Street. My dad had
been a lecturer at the Anglican seminary located only a few
blocks from this dark heart of Aboriginal Sydney. It was always
an odd location for the seminary. The ecclesiastical community
never had anything to do with the adjoining aboriginal enclave.
On the contrary, most persons associated with the religious
community dealt with their black neighbours by practising the
same sort of avoidance strategy that I’d learnt as a kid
scurrying quickly past the end of Everleigh Street and its
environs whenever circumstances put us unavoidably within its
reach.

Ironically this strategy had to be invoked every time you got off
a train from Redfern station. The platforms seemed to be designed
to feed directly into Everleigh Street! Of course I never made
the mistake of straying down that way myself, and as a youngster,
I had heard many a nasty story about the price paid by some of
the less wary.

None of this is to suggest that the reputation of Everleigh was
based on hearsay. I had seen plenty with my own eyes.

Countless times I had seen young toddlers and their slightly
older siblings wandering the streets at night while their parents
got drunk at the local. One night I watched as a stupid woman
stopped her car after these kids had thrown rocks at it. She got
out and tried to confront the kids about what they had done. The
result of course was that they found some bigger rocks and a
couple of bricks. They made quite a mess of that car.

My brother told me that he had witnessed a roll take place from
the top of the street in broad daylight. Some boys had pulled a
knife on a university student who had handed them his wallet. The
student had then located a nearby policeman and had pointed out
the boys to him, but the copper did nothing about it. He said he
didn’t want to start a riot!

I had seen the bonfires that would be lit when the new phone
books or Yellow Pages directories were delivered. I had seen the
shells of burnt out cars in the street. I had seen plenty, and
had plenty of good reasons to never deliberately venture down
that street, which is why my first walk to the Mundine gym was
like wading through water - every step being a slow and
deliberate effort. But I was determined to become a fighter, and
I’d just as soon lose my life in Everleigh Street than give up on
my dream to have my day in the ring.

The exterior of Mundine’s Gym is not designed to draw attention
to itself. You’d walk right past it if you didn’t know it was
there. It’s missing entirely that glittering windowed street
frontage with the sleek bodies of well-groomed athletes on
display for passers-by - the type that we associate with the
sorts of gyms where you pay a costly membership fee. Mundine’s
has no membership fee. I don’t remember there even being a sign
out the front. Mundine’s looks like just another
housing-commission block, with its inglorious entrance at the
bottom of a stairwell. But you pick up that it’s a gym long
before you reach the top of those stairs. The smell of liniment
hits you half way up - that manly smell that mingles so
harmoniously with the melodic whir of the skipping rope tap, tap,
tapping its way through another round.

This is what makes a real gym the smell of liniment, the sound of
the rope, the less rhythmical thwacking of glove to bag, and of
course the fighting. When you step inside Mundine’s, you know
you’re in a real gym. No pretty boys. No glamour workouts. No
white-collar boxercise sessions for indulgent professionals. Just
bodies, sweat, testosterone and blood.

They play hard at Mundine’s. That’s governed by the sort of guys
that show up there of course, but it’s also embedded in the
architecture of the gym to some extent. The ring stands in the
centre of the building and it’s a small ring, made for brawlers.
There is a small assortment of bags strung around the sides, but
no fancy speedballs or floor-to-ceiling bags, such that you could
justify turning up just to have a workout on the bags. There are
a few pieces of weights equipment too, but again not enough to
allow them to become a serious point of focus. No. The whole
structure is designed to channel you into the ring. Everything
else is just padding. That’s the way it should be in a real gym.

I wore my clerical shirt and collar the first time I went there.
Even now I don’t think it was an entirely stupid thing to have
done. I wanted to be up-front about who I was and where I was
coming from. Even so, I hadn’t really thought through the effect
that this was going to have on the other boys at the gym, most of
whom were, initially, very reluctant to hit me. They got over it
though, particularly after they realised that I had no qualms
about hitting them. Within a couple of weeks I was coming home
each night bruised and bleeding from head to toe, and I knew I
was one of the lads.

Is it just me, or does every man need to go through something
like this at some time in his life - to know the joy of falling
into your bed aching with the wounds that your sparring partner
has inflicted on you that evening, and sleeping soundly in the
knowledge that your ring brother is likewise doing his best to
sleep off the impression that you made on him? I had many a
glorious sparring session during those first weeks and months at
Mundine’s. They weren’t pretty to watch I suppose, but they were
epic struggles of the human spirit so far as I was concerned.

There are few things in life more deeply satisfying than a good
fight. A hard night in the ring is an enormous catharsis for a
man who is struggling with life, but it’s more than that too.
When you step into a ring you’re making a decision to take
control of your own destiny. The forces that oppose you are no
longer vague powers that threaten to overwhelm you from a
distance - the law, the courts, the system. No. Your opposition
takes on a clear material form in the shape of the other man
advancing on you from the other corner. To get into that ring and
to stay in that ring is to make a decision to give it a go - to
put your body on the line and to stand up to the punishment like
a man. Fighting is more than a sport. It’s a way of life. It is
the defiant decision to confront your pain directly and not to be
overcome by it. Mundine’s gym taught me that, or at least it
played a significant role.

There was another vital lesson I learnt at Mundine’s - perhaps
even more important than what I learned about fighting. I learnt
to respect the fight community.

The fight community is a culture all of its own, and was
certainly spawned on an entirely different planet to the church
community. I’m sure that some Anglican church-goers must have
wondered why there are so many doctors and accountants in their
congregations and so few fighters. The truth is that most church
people just don’t speak the same language as fighters.

The converse is also true. The fight community, as far as I can
see, has very little idea of what the church is on about. I don’t
mean that fighters aren’t spiritual guys. On the contrary, some
of the most godly and inspirational men I have met have been
fighters. And yet they have no point of contact with the
established church. The two groups just don’t understand each
other at all. Never was this made clearer to me than on my fourth
visit to Mundine’s gym.

I had turned up quietly in my tracksuit and was wandering over to
the bench at the side of the ring where we tended to leave our
gear while we were training. A group of guys were huddled there
talking, and there was nothing particularly private about the
volume of their conversation. I think they were discussing
relationship problems, though I didn’t overhear everything. What
I couldn’t help hearing was one guy say very clearly ‘So I
grabbed her, and I punched her in the fuckin’ head’. He said it
loudly and enacted a downwards punching motion as he said it.

Then he noticed me standing nearby and suddenly felt very
self-conscious. ‘Oh, sorry Father’ he said. And then he corrected
himself. ‘I punched her … (and he said it very slowly and
deliberately) … in the head’.

If I’d had my wits about me that night I would have said
something clever like ‘I don’t think the Lord really gives a fuck
about your language brother, but I think He does care about your
wife.’ As it was, I didn’t say anything. I think I responded with
a feeble smile. At the time, I just couldn’t work out how this
guy had ever got it into his head that, as a priest, I would be
more concerned about the fact that he swore than I would be about
the fact that he beat his wife? Nowadays I take that sort of
perception for granted.

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I think it’s the church that has to bear the responsibility for
the communication breakdown. So much of the church nowadays reeks
of a sort of insipid middle-class moralism that really does care
more about smoking and swearing than it does about domestic
violence or world hunger. I don’t think the Lord Jesus or St Paul
ever intended to spawn any of these Christianized golf clubs that
call themselves churches. Personally, I suspect that Jesus and
the apostles would feel more at home in the average boxing gym
today than they would in the average church. Of course they
wouldn’t like the threats and the violence, but they would love
the honesty. Fighters are very honest people.

One guy, again from the Mundine gym, summed it up for me. ‘Around
here nobody stabs anybody in the back’, he said to me. Then he
pointed to his heart and added emphatically: ‘You stab here!’
That’s why I have so much respect for the fight culture. I know I
can trust fighters. I know they won’t stuff me round - smiling to
my face but stabbing me in the back when I turn around. I wish
the same could be said for all church people.

St Paul was a fighter. ‘I do not fight like a man beating the
air’ he says. They had the ancient Pankration fighting in his day
- a vicious form of no rules combat that was concluding event in
the original Olympics. Those guys certainly didn’t ‘beat the
air’. When Ulysses came home from the Trojan War, legend has it
that his own mother didn’t recognise him. According to my friend
and former trainer Kon, legend has it that when the Pankration
champion came home from the Olympic Games, his own dog couldn’t
recognise him! Those guys knew what real fighting is about.

St Paul would have made one tough bugger as a fighter. What I
wouldn’t give to be able to jump into the old Pankration ring
with him to go a couple of rounds! You’d never knock him down
though. I suspect most of the apostles would have been like that
- warm big-hearted men, but as hard as nails in the ring.

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I have a secret hope that when I get to heaven I’ll be able to
take on some of those boys and try my luck. I guess it’s not
everyone’s idea of heaven, but it is mine.

About the Author

‘Fighting’ Father Dave Smith - Parish Priest, community worker,professional fighter, father of three. Dave is the only Australian in Holy Orders to turn pro boxer to help fund his work. He is Parish Priest in Dulwich Hill, Sydney,and has received numerous awards for his work with young people

Get a free preview of his book, ‘Sex, the Ring & the Eucharist’ when you sign up for Dave’s newsletter at www.fatherdave.org

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We wouldn t be able to do any of the stuff we do with kids if it
wasn t for the support we get from local business people in our
community. This is not a shameless plug for our sponsors, just
recognition of the fact that whatever we ve been able to achieve
in Dulwich Hill has been a team effort between church and
community.

People often ask me, “I suppose the church pays for all this, do
they”. I tell them straight, that our little church in Dulwich
Hill has never been able to properly afford even the minimum wage
for their priest, and that the Church with a capital C (ie. the
Anglican Diocese of Sydney) has contributed next to nothing. No.
Almost all our support comes from the three local pubs - the
Gladstone, the Royal Exchange, and the Henson Park Hotel - and
from the local RSL club (Petersham). The rest of it we pick up
through the Christians vs. Lions fight nights we put on, and
through other community events (eg. the Mayor s golf day, the
annual community Street Fair, etc.).

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It wasn t always this easy. In the early years we really
struggled to keep the Youth Centre open. Then we caught the
attention of one corporate benefactor, who was able to keep us
going long enough for us to put the other support in place. That
benefactor was Ray Williams, former chief executive of HIH
insurance - one of the most gentle, caring, and humble men I have
ever met, and currently one of the least popular men in the
country.

It amazes me when I think about it. Some of the best people I
have ever met are people with terrible reputations. In each case
of course their reputations have been largely media-generated.

When my mate Jim got shot, one of the major Sydney newspapers ran
story entitled “Evil Villain Gunned Down”. It featured a picture
of Jim carrying an automatic weapon. The picture had been taken
many years earlier during Jim s time with the Australian Army. I
thought You bastards! That s not the man I know.

When Morde was on trail in Israel I read a variety of articles
that spoke about him as being a sophisticated spy - working for
the Arabs and out to destroy his country. I thought You
bastards! You have no idea who you are talking about.

Now I read stories about Ray - about how he manipulated the
market to line his own pockets and how he deliberately defrauded
millions of people, and I think again You bastards .

Ray was sent by God to help us. I have no doubt about that. I
first met him through a fight I took, though Ray himself was no
fan of boxing.

The story of that fight was in itself quite bizarre.

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I had been sitting with the Archdeacon in my office one
afternoon. He was wagging his finger at me and telling me that
I d have to close down the Youth Centre. “You just don t have
enough money to keep it going” he said. And he was right. We were
exactly $1000 short of being able to pay our youth worker s wage
for the next month. I was feeling rather nonchalant about it all
and was telling him to have more faith. At exactly that moment
Kon, my trainer, came to the door.

“Dave, do you want to take a pro fight?” he asked. “No” was my
knee-jerk reaction. I d just completed my fight career (I d
thought) with a shot at the NSW super-welterweight title in
kickboxing. The law in this state at the time was that you had to
hang up your gloves when you turned 35. I was 34 and nine months
at that stage. “How much are they offering?” I asked Kon. “$1000″
he said. I told him I d take it. We raised close to $50,000 for
the Youth Centre through that fight. More than half of that money
came through Ray.

A guy by the name of Jeff Wells wrote an article about my fight
that was published in the Sydney Morning Herald one Saturday.
After that, cheques for as much as $1000 started arriving in the
mail! Then one morning a courier turned up with two cheques - one
for $10,000 in the name of HIH insurance, and another for $15,000
in the name of a Mr R. Williams. I remember trembling when I
received these cheques. I d never seen that much money before in
my life.

I had never heard of Ray Williams, but his business card was
attached, so I rang the number and got one of those classic
receptionist voices, saying “Mr Williams is busy at the moment.
Can I take a message?” Then I mentioned my name and all of a
sudden I was speaking to Ray.

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“Ah … hi … do I know you?” I started. “No. I don t think so,”
he said. “You ve just sent me cheques for $25,000″ I said. “Yes”
he said. “Um … are you a local from around here? Have you been
watching our work?” I asked. “No” he said. “Well … are you
connected with the church or with youth work around here?” “No”
he said. “Well … are you a fight fan?” I asked, scratching for
some point of connection. “Not at all” he said. “I read an
article about you in the Herald and it looked like you needed
some help.” “Yeah, I do” I said. “Well, will that help?” he
asked. “Oh yeah” I said, “that ll help.”

That s how our relationship began. Over the years that followed
Ray took a keen interest in our work. As things at HIH became
tighter, we didn t receive any further support from the company,
but Ray himself would generally turn up to our fundraiser fight
nights, and he wouldn t leave before slipping us a cheque from
out of his own funds. It s what kept us going while we searched
for more stable sponsorship from the local community. We owe a
lot to Ray.

And it wasn t just the money. It was the man too. He was
inspiring in his humility.

At the time of the first donation we had a guy in our church who
worked as one of the chief accountants in the public hospital
system. “Oh yeah” he said to me one Sunday. “If it wasn t for Ray
Williams, half the hospitals in Sydney might be closed.” And then
he added “but he never likes to have his name mentioned. He hates
the limelight”

We found this to be entirely true. We managed to get him on stage
once to present a trophy to one of our fighters, but it was a
tough job. He really hated being at the centre of attention. It s
one of the things that makes this Royal Commission so odious to
him.

I still can t believe the way the media have gone after him -
vigorously attacking him for his generosity to hospitals and
charities. It s not as if he was giving away money that should
have gone to insurance claimants. If he hadn t given it away, I
guess it would have slightly increased the dividend paid to the
shareholders, and he himself must have been one of the largest
shareholders. I still find it preposterous to think that the
media should have acted so self-righteously indignant about the
fact that the poor shareholders were losing potential income
because it had gone to the children s hospital. It s just
ridiculous.

But it wasn t only the media that crucified Ray. Once the news
about HIH s collapse became public knowledge, former colleagues
deserted him, old friends and associates turned their backs on
him, and charities that he d been supporting for years all of a
sudden didn t want to know him. Ray had been on the board of the
Children s Hospital for as long as anybody could remember. They
sent him a letter saying thank you but your services are no
longer required . Nobody waited for the results of the Royal
Commission. Nobody waited to see if perhaps he wasn t the real
villain in the piece. Everyone distanced themselves, not wanting
their own reputations to be tarnished.

I seriously can t understand that attitude. I know I m capable of
doing some stupid and selfish things, but deserting a mate in his
time of need is not one of them. When I think about all the
people that Ray must have helped over the years, I just can t
believe that none of them thought to ring him up and say How are
you going, Ray. Perhaps it s my turn to give you some support?

Anyway, my point here is not to spit my dummy. And I ll be the
first to admit that I don t have a clue about big business,
insurance laws, or anything of the sort. But I know a good man
when I meet one, and Ray Williams is a good man and someone whom
I m proud to call my friend. And I ll be buggered if I m going
stand by and listen to people pouring crap out on a mate of mine
without saying anything.

To be truthful, I don t expect that Ray will ever fully regain
his former reputation or standing. I know too much about how the
media works and about how our court system works to ever expect
real justice. As with my friends Jim and Morde, I m not holding
my breath waiting for the truth to come out. No. I ll look to the
day when the kingdom of this world will become the kingdom of our
Lord and Christ. When that day comes, all the crap will be sorted
out.

About the Author

‘Fighting’ Father Dave Smith - Parish Priest, community worker,professional fighter, father of three. Dave is the only Australian in Holy Orders to turn pro boxer to help fund his work. He is Parish Priest in Dulwich Hill, Sydney,and has received numerous awards for his work with young people

Get a free preview of his book, ‘Sex, the Ring & the Eucharist’ when you sign up for Dave’s newsletter at www.fatherdave.org

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Keep the channels of communication open. A lack of communication between a lawyer and client often leads to misunderstandings and a breakdown in the relationship. It is the lawyer’s responsibility to keep the client well-informed and updated on a regular basis. But you can and should pick up the phone anytime you have a question, a concern, an idea, or just want to know if there’s been a development in your case. A good lawyer encourages this type of contact and will make himself available to his clients. Make sure your lawyer subscribes to this philosophy and take advantage of it. The more communication you have, the better informed you and your lawyer will be. As a result, your lawyer will be able to provide more meaningful advice and you, in turn, will provide better instructions to your lawyer. In the end, you will be more satisfied with the level of service you receive from your lawyer.

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Be proactive in the development of your case. Be prepared to be involved in the building of your defence. As brilliant as your lawyer may be, he does not have a first-hand knowledge of the facts. You do. You were there. The facts are everything. A good lawyer recognizes this and will set out to master the facts. To do this, he must involve you in the process. Review the evidence with your lawyer. Comment on what you agree with, what you disagree with, what you think might be missing. Share your ideas. You may come up with something your lawyer hasn’t thought of.

Finally, maintain a positive attitude. Negative feelings will creep up from time to time. This is natural and to be expected. However, do not let them interfere with your focus. Simply acknowledge them then put them aside. A positive attitude will allow you to effectively process information and advice from your lawyer; to give proper instructions to your lawyer; to convey your concerns; and to generally be useful in your defence.

Keep in mind, as bad as it seems now, you will get through this.

About the Author

Tushar Pain is a Criminal Defence Lawyer practicing in the Greater Toronto Area, Ontario, Canada. He represents people charged with serious criminal offences including drunk driving, domestic assault, theft, fraud and sexual assault. To learn more about Tushar’s services, visit his website at: http://www.TorontoCriminalDefence.com, send an email to: tkpain@TorontoCriminalDefence.com or call 416-410-4838.

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Identity Theft Shield

 by: Mark Freink

We live in an information-oriented society. Technology allows us to do business and make transactions literally in a matter of seconds. This abundance of information has given rise to a new crime - identity theft. In fact, according to a 2003 release from the Federal Trade Commission, almost 10 million people in the United States may be victimized by identity bandits each year.

So what does that mean? Someone has stolen your credit card your credit card company can help you with that, right? Well, according to the FTC, almost 60% of identity theft issues don t pertain to your existing credit card accounts. Identity theft can occur as a result of new lines of credit being opened in your name either through credit cards or bank loans as well as phone/utility fraud and even employment related fraud. Because we are susceptible through so many avenues in our daily life, we are all at risk.

What can you do? Where would you turn if you found yourself in this situation? Would you know where to start to clear your name? Well, now you don t have to worry about what to do as we have the answer.

As you already know, Pre-Paid Legal Services , Inc. is a pioneer of the legal services industry. With more than 30 years of experience in providing legal rights protection to our members, we have now teamed with Kroll Inc., the world s leading independent risk consulting company. Kroll is a 30 year old, publicly traded company that provides a broad range of investigative, intelligence, financial, security, and technology services to help clients reduce risks, solve problems, and capitalize on opportunities. Headquartered in New York with more than 60 offices on six continents, Kroll has a multidisciplinary corps of more than 2,200 employees and serves a global clientele of law firms, financial institutions, corporations, nonprofit institutions, government agencies, and individuals. Over the last three years, Kroll has developed a unique solution for victims of identity theft. This new service is now available to Pre-Paid Legal members through the IDENTITY THEFT SHIELD benefit.

What does this benefit provide our members?

The Identity Theft Shield gives you easy access to the resources you need to understand your credit ratings and to fight back if an identity thief threatens your financial standing. This benefit is designed to alert you to suspicious account activity, to restore any resulting damage to your credit history and to reimburse you for covered out-of-pocket expenses you may incur in the process.

1. Credit Report Through Experian

Make sure your financial records are accurate.

Your credit standing is one of your most important financial assets. It not only affects your ability to get credit, it often dictates the interest rate at which you can borrow. It can also affect your ability to purchase insurance or to find employment. Some insurance companies and prospective employers use your credit rating to gauge your sense of responsibility.

Experts recommend you review your credit report regularly. The Identity Theft Shield makes it easy. Members are entitled to an up-to-date credit report from Experian at no additional charge.

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Personal Credit Score and Analysis from Experian

Know your credit score . . . and how it affects your ability to borrow.

Your credit score is derived from the information in your credit report. This score is used by lenders to determine your creditworthiness. The higher the number, the better your chance of being approved for the credit you want.

A detailed analysis of your Personal Credit Score will be included with your Credit Report. You can use this analysis to evaluate your current credit standing.

2. Continuous Credit Monitoring Through Experian

Learn of suspicious activity before your credit is ruined.

A professional thief can assume your identity in just a few hours. But it can take years for you to repair your credit standing.

Early detection is key to minimizing the damage caused by thieves who steal you name.

With your Identity Theft Shield membership, your credit files will be monitored through Experian daily. Suspicious activity will be brought to your attention, providing you with early detection. You ll receive prompt notice if any new accounts are opened in your name . . . or if negative notations are added to your credit report.

3. Fraud Restoration Service

Get personal assistance and advice from experts.

Any discrepancy in your credit report should be addressed at once. Call our Customer Services Department at the designated Identity Theft Shield number and explain your concerns. If it is identity theft, our fraud investigators will assist you every step of the way. A Fraud Restoration package with complete and detailed materials, aids, and instructions will be rushed to you.

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If you sign a Limited Power of Attorney, you will be entitled to Enhanced Restoration Services. Kroll will work with you to determine the extent of the fraud in your credit and regarding your identity. On your behalf, Kroll will issue fraud alerts to the three major credit repositories, the Federal Trade Commission, the Social Security Administration, and the United States Postal Service. Kroll will work with the bureaus, creditors, and collection agencies to restore your credit accuracy with regard to your identity theft issues. If necessary and reasonable, Kroll will work with law enforcement, the department of motor vehicles, and other organizations to resolve your identity theft issues

If you decline the Limited Power of Attorney, you will receive Basic Consulting Services. Kroll will work with you to determine the extent of the fraud in your credit and regarding your identity. Kroll will provide you with contact information and procedures for the organizations you will need to work with. Kroll will provide sample letters and forms and be available to you through a toll-free phone number for assistance and advice throughout the process of restoring your identity.

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Now, it is important to understand any identity theft that occurred prior to the membership enrollment or any situations relating to a business identity are not covered. Identity Restoration will not apply if the identity theft is the result of a dishonest, criminal, malicious, or fraudulent act you, your spouse, or child participated in, directed, or had knowledge of. Restoration services will not be provided for a preexisting, known stolen identity event. You must be an active, paid member to receive restoration services. Plan benefits do not cover financial losses arising from the identity theft.

$25,000 Identity Theft Restoration Reimbursement Benefit Pays your covered out-of-pocket expenses.

The Identity Theft Shield includes up to $25,000 in a fraud restoration reimbursement benefit. This coverage will reimburse you for covered expenses you may incur while working to clear your name. These include:

• lost wages up to $500 per week with a maximum of up to four weeks
• legal defense fees and expenses
• the cost of notarizing affidavits or similar documents, long distance telephone calls, and even postage!
• the cost of re-filing applications for loans, grants, or other credit instruments

Some restrictions of the restoration reimbursement benefit include: Insurance benefits and services provided by member companies of American International Group, Inc. (AIG). The description is a summary only. It does not include all terms, conditions and exclusions of the policies described. Please refer to the actual policies for complete details of coverage and exclusions. Coverage may not be available in all jurisdictions. Coverage available only if the stolen identity event occurs while you are an Identity Theft Shield member and is reported to us within six months.

Did you know, that on average, victims spend more than 175 hours and $1,500 in out-of-pocket expenses to clear their names. With Pre-Paid Legal s IDENTITY THEFT SHIELD, the cost of combating identity theft is much less. For just $9.95/month, IDENTITY THEFT SHIELD members have the added security of knowing they have someone to fight the battle for them. And, the best thing is this monthly fee provides benefits to both you, the member, and your spouse.

Reports on identity theft are everywhere; television, newspapers, magazines, talk shows, etc. Now that you know this benefit is available, doesn t it make sense to have this sort of coverage? Imagine the peace of mind you would have knowing you and your spouse would have access to all of these services if you found yourself to be an identity theft statistic? Contact the person who referred you to this call to sign up for your Identity Theft membership. Don t wait until it is too late - do it today!

For a full list of disclosures and exclusions, please consult the Identity Theft Shield written material provided by Pre-Paid Legal.

About The Author Mark Freink, Independent Associate for Pre-Paid Legal Services, Inc. markfreink@prepaidlegal

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In the Hebrew Bible, there is a clear distinction between a love relationship and a marriage arrangement. Love relationships are depicted, over all, as the blinding-revealing passion for someone who is the object of the individual s attention. For example, Yaakov s passion for Rachel (B reshith 29). King David s lustful desire for Batsheva (Sh muel Bet 11-12). Samson s love for D leelah, the dominatrix of the Hebrew Bible (Shofetim 16). Just to name a few. A marriage arrangement requires that the one s married to each other fulfill the ethical and moral legal obligations that are binding upon them under the laws prescribed within the community. Further, love between the ones married to each other is not guaranteed. Divorce is probable, and arrangements for that are legally prescribed in both the Torah and the Talmud. Marital strife is likely to occur due to differences in individual needs or unpredictable circumstances, and must be weathered through by adherence to the marital obligations. Love can flourish between the married partners, and this is the “ideal” if the individuals work together through the struggles and keeping the obligations to nurture its continued existence in the marriage.

In the Hebrew Bible, all aspects dealing with the legal institution of marriage express polygamy. So, too, do all the narratives on the marriage lives of people; with what may appear to be the rare exception of a few. But, the Torah rarely, if ever, gives full disclosure on the personal lives of its legendary people. It has selective memory, and midrash of later generations have had to fill in areas not covered. If we were to stretch scripture a little, and interpret that some marriages were intentionally portrayed as monogamous, all this really shows us is two possibilities. The first, is that some men were likely to take only one wife; and/or two, that some should limit themselves to a lesser number. All aspects dealing with what can be described as a monogamous relationship within the Hebrew Bible deal with the love affair situation of a biblical patriarch and a woman (not always a Hebrew matriarch). Kept in its context, the Hebrew Bible presents the cultural marriage arrangement of its time polygamy. It even legally defines proper marriage behavior for the husband who is married to more than one wife (D’varim 21.15-17). And, in typical Hebrew teaching style, the polygamist marriage narratives teach us that relationships are a struggle between individual needs. And, that the obligations laws, commandments, rules of being legally married to each other requires that these struggles be worked out within the marriage. Great lengths of creativity within the marriages of biblical times were taken to accomplish this.

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The “idea” that the Torah encourages monogamy by showing all the struggles happening in the polygamist relationships is a later midrashic interpretation of the Common Era Palestinian Jews*. [*See footnote below.] The Jews of the intertestimal times (the 700 year period between the writing of the Jewish scrolls, now known as the TaNaKH, and the writings of the Greek New Testament by the Greco-Roman Christians of the Diaspora). And, for only about a thousand years, has it been upheld through cultural law as the ideal within most Jewish communities, and more specifically the Ashkenazic community of Old Europe. The rabbis of the intertestimal period took the TaNaKH scriptures out of their context and applied new meanings to them to deal with the present problems occurring within the overran, hellenistically influenced Yisrael. The old ways and the reasons for these ways were no longer being followed enthusiastically, and new ways were needed to keep the integrity of the Hebrew teachings.

Hence, the new law that appeared in the Damascus Document* scroll of intertestimal times that limits marriage to one husband and one wife. The Damascus scroll gives a new definition to what is considered the act of fornication. It specifically states that fornication, a sexual sin, is the taking of more than one wife in a man s lifetime. The rationale for this definition of fornication is based upon two quotes from legend narratives of the Torah. B reshith 1.27, “So G-d created humankind in his image, in the image of G-d did he create it, male and female he created them” and 7.9, “two and two (each) came to Noah, into the Ark, male and female, as G-d had commanded Noah.” Both scriptures were taken out of their context and have nothing to do with the Moshaic laws regarding marriage. And, one quote from D’varim 17.17 that speaks of the King of Yisrael, that he is not to “multiply wives for himself.” (A translation of the Damascus Document is available in The Dead Sea Scrolls, A New Translation.) [*See footnote below.]

This latter biblical injunction does not restrict the King to one wife only, but instructs him not to create a harem for himself, so that his attention remains on his duties as King. The King is also told in this same passage of scripture not to “multiply horses for himself,” “not to return the people to Egypt in order to multiply horses,” and that “silver and gold he is not to multiply for himself to excess.” Neither of these injunctions say that the King is restricted to owning only one horse and possessing one piece of silver or gold. The D varim passage cited as validation by the first intertestimal adherents to monogamy is dealing with political-trade transactions of the King. Later tradition has ascribed B reshith 2.24 and Mishlei 31 as further justification that the ancient Jews intended for us to form monogamous marriages. Again, scripture is taken out of context to justify a fundamentalist view. With the passage of Mishlei, it is expressing the ideal wife and likens her to Shechinah, which is thefeminine image of G-d, the Hebrew G-ddess. It does not make the slightest suggestion concerning the number of wives a man is to have. To say that the Bible supports a bias towards (or against) something that it clearly does not is simply wrong to do. And, this kind of interpreting leads to injustice.

There are four types of marital arrangements (only one that is civilly legal in America): polyandry, polygamy, monogamy, and polyamory. Polyandry is a marriage arrangement between a wife and two or more husbands. Polygamy is a marriage arrangement between a husband and two or more wives. Monogamy is a marriage arrangement between one husband and one wife. Polyamory is a marriage arrangement between two or more husbands and/or two or more wives. The Torah makes no distinction on which type of legal marriage arrangement is more preferable than the others. Instead, it only encourages that through marriage the struggles of relationship be dealt with, and that the expression of love be realized. Just as it is realized through the marital struggles between G-d and the People of Yisrael. “Now you are to love YHWH your G-d with all your heart, with all your being, with all your substance!” (D varim 6.5). We do this by faithfully fulfilling the obligations of this community marriage relationship with G-d. So it mustbe in our human marriage relationships the Torah teaches us.

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Monogamy is not threatened by society allowing citizens the legal right to choose other types of marriage arrangements, and to be held accountable for these marriages. For those who idealize monogamy as the way to go, the simple bottom-line fact-of-reality is that there is only one threat to the success and survival of monogamous relationships. This real threat comes from within the homes of the couples that choose a monogamous marriage arrangement, and this threat is not keeping the vows made when getting married and not working together to mutually meet each other’s needs. The threat of infidelity is not basing the marriage on clearly defined obligations to begin with. Banning the legal right to form other types of marriage arrangements will not change this. And, it will not prevent people from forming polygamous, polyandrous, and polyamorous relationships - regardless whether they are legally sanctioned by society or not.

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The issue in the Hebrew Bible is about getting married, not about what marriage form is “right.” Its focus is on fulfilling the obligations that come with marriage, whether there is love between the married partners or not. When maintained in this manner, the relationship is in kedusha, a state of holiness. And, this benefits the community, by providing a strong family-oriented foundation to build from. How can a marriage relationship whether it be polyandry, polygamy, monogamy, or polyamory be less of a struggle and more of a love relationship? The first step is to keep the marital obligations made between each other when committing the act of marriage. Verbally remember and edify the words of this marital agreement often - if possible, on a weekly basis. Sit down together and talk it over.

The next step, which is actually the very first step and must always remain the more important step throughout the marriage is understanding that love is not an object, and thus the degree of love one has for another cannot be controlled. But, we do have the power within us to control how we will relate to to each other in our relationships. And, we have the power to decide whether we will be fidelitous or not. In other words, by defining together the obligations of the marriage, by living by them throughout the marriage (being conscious of these obligations on a daily basis) and, through this marriage relationship, by elevating the emotional, sexual, and spiritual needs of our partners-in-marriage. Complete honesty between each other, recognition of the need for individual self-responsibility, and partner encouragement (not coercion) is a must. Fulfill this and this marriage, whatever its type, is a marriage maintained in kedusha/holiness, according to the teachings of the Hebrew Bible.

Footnote: Just for historical authenticity to the statements made in these * asterisked paragraphs above, the Damascus Document of the Intertestimal period is a product of a specific extremist community sect of Judaism, and is not reflective of Jewish lifestyle in that time period as a whole. In fact the majority of Jewish communities would continue to engage in polygamist marriage relationships well into the Common Era, and even within the Ashkenazic communities this was so. Monogamy was accepted and justified as the ideal by modern Jews only because of the Christian presence around these Jewish communities, meaning Jews conformed to the practices of their neighbors to avoid persecution over this issue. It is through the extremist Jewish document of the Yachad sect that defines monogamous marriages and the monogamous approach to marriages within the Greco-Roman world of the time that Christianity would come to idealize monogamy as the ideal marriage relationship style. Even the Irish, who were the first culture to embrace Christianity outside of the Greco-Roman world, continued to engage in rather promiscious relationship styles - styles that included group sexual relationships and marriages. It would not be until the arrival of the “White” people into Europe and their subsequent embracement of Christianity that monogamy would be institutionalized as the only correct form of marriage. Some estimates have it that monogamy finally took root about a good thousand years after the Damascus Document had been written. And, still today, not all societies are convinced that it really is the most moral form of forming relationships.

About the Author

Joseph Farkasdi is a fictional writer and social commentator. His online expressions range from the sharing of deeply opinionated thoughts on life, love, and relationships to the ever stirring wild and sometimes wet erotic fantasies that stretch one’s secret imaginations. His photographic works are as revealing and shameless as his willingness to share all without inhibition. You can view his web site by clicking on http://www.jfarkasdi.org/ .

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Understanding Injury Attorneys

 by: Jeff Lakie

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Not to be naming names or making judgment where none was asked to be presented, but there is some part of the whole injury law that frightens the general public. Most private citizens have justifiable trepidation towards being on either end of a lawsuit. However there seems to be a demand for these particular attorneys. Advertising on television, on the cover of phone books and on billboards is an expensive means of advertising. Should this type of flamboyant advertising lead you to believe those particular injury attorneys are better at their jobs than ones at a less noticeable firm?

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Certainly if you were to secure legal counsel you would gravitate toward a firm that adequately presented themselves. You would also be wise to acquire counsel that has successfully argued the specific type of legal situation at hand. The main objective in a successful injury lawsuit is having a successful attorney that knows the ins and outs of injury law.

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Paying for or even retaining an injury attorney is a unique situation. As with any lawsuit there is a plan to recover compensation for pain, suffering, and lost wages. Injury lawsuits are no different. Within an injury lawsuit, compensation is always monetary.

Injury attorneys most usually will not ask for payment from their clients unless there is a settlement. They most usually won’t take a high-risk case either. They most usually take thirty percent of the entire settlement. And they take it right off the top.

In the case of a lawsuit that surrounds an injury, there is no better attorney to handle the case than one who understands the laws. There is no better attorney than one who is compassionate to the long-term prognosis, and repercussions of certain accidents.

About The Author Jeff Lakie is the founder of http://www.locate-attorney.info and http://www.locate-lawyers.info websites providing information on Injury Attorneys.

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This article includes useful advice on editing a personal statement for university admission– with impact. Please read our step-by-step guide on how to write your personal statement by visiting the following URL: http://www.getintouni.com/Free/Writing/
The personal statement writing guide includes a comprehensive and practical guide and is packed with inspirational and easy to follow advice, this article contains systematic instructions on the techniques to help increase the chances of your university application, this article contains a short guide on how to edit your personal statement and create tension and suspense within your writing. For most potential students there are some clear reasons why they wish to embark on university. Writing the personal statement for university submissions is one of the most difficult, daunting tasks for any potential student. This article will offer insight into how you should build up tension and suspense and how to edit your personal statement which is one area where students tend to overlook.

It is often said that personal statements are often autobiographical. This may well be true, because a wise maxim is write about what you know. And, if there is one thing we all know more about than anything else it is our own lives. Often students only write about the reasons why they wish to embark on a particular university course and many personal statements lack emotion, suspense, and tension. However, in a work of fact, emotion, is a key ingredient in successful personal statements. And, while students life s may differ considerably from one other, we will each have known the full gamut of emotions. It is important when writing your personal statement that you convey a sense of place to your reader and the way to do that is with the five senses sight, sound, smell, taste and touch. It is all too easy to forget that scenes, which are indelibly etched on your own mind, will not be equally clear in the reader s unless you make them so by your writing.

Tension is one of the second most important elements in writing, closely allied to suspense the what happens next ingredient. The problem for many students is to try to condense the personal statement into 600 words. Obviously, the admission officer knows you only have this limited space, but nonetheless does judge you on the four minutes it takes to read your personal statement, if your personal statement includes tension and suspense - it is sure to be a winner. The secret to a good personal statement is not to give away too much to quickly, keep us guessing, hanging onto every word, thus building up tension and suspense. In order for there to be tension in your personal statement, there must be (or have been) something important at stake. Perhaps this was your family life or what you believe is your future. Perhaps the reason why you chose the course you wish to study. Whatever it is, by not divulging the outcome too soon, you will maintain the reader s interest for that much longer. The followingpersonal statement starts with a powerful suspense filling introduction:

The prospect of helping people has driven me to fulfil many goals in life and this is truly my dream. Although it is great to have ambitions I now want to translate my goals into reality. Becoming a nurse is a natural extension of my interest in medicine. Following graduation, I found myself advising investment bankers on the stock exchange, secretly desiring the opportunity of helping others overcome illness and promote health.

In this personal statement introduction the reader is captured by the reason why they chose to become an investment banker. The author of this piece has demonstrated a powerful introduction, the style is simple, straightforward narrative. This personal statement will surely provide a valuable insight as to why she wishes to become a nurse.

In order for there to be tension in your personal statement, it will help to describe a highly charged incident, part of a particularly difficult period in your life. Whatever it was, you will maintain your reader s interest for that much longer. The example below shows perfect tension and suspense build up:

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When the airmail letter arrived bearing an American stamp, I knew immediately, it was from my university with my degree results, and I tore it open as excitedly as if it were a birthday present. With trembling fingers, I took out the sheets of thin blue paper and my heart started to pound as I began to read.

Remember that tension, like all techniques, is merely another tool for making your writing more vivid and interesting to read. However, if you do use it, you must make it clear to your readers that the events you are describing have some relation to your study topic. If not, they will be confused, will have to re-read to make sense of it and may end up feeling irritated enough to stop reading.

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The words and phases often used to build up tension include: intimidated; heart pounded; ferocity. Thus, tension and suspense is built up so that metaphorically, we hold out breath impelled to read on to find out what happens next.

How to edit your personal statement for university submission

When you ve finished the actual writing, what do you do? Well, for a start, don t be in a hurry to send off your personal statement before checking it. Few, if any, experienced writers never need to revise their work. Some do as they proceed but most will get their first Personal Statement draft down on paper without worrying too much how it s written, and then, when it s finished, go over it, pruning, polishing and tightening the general content. Therefore, this section is about how to edit the personal statement. It is advisable to check the following:

That you haven t been over-lavish with adjectives and adverbs. If you find you have, customer some of the former and, where possible, exchange the latter for stronger verbs.
Threat you haven t used clich s or hackneyed phrases bit have found fresh images always of describing yourself in the best possible light.
Make sure you haven t constantly used the same word in the same paragraph. This can be very irritating to the admissions officer and it only needs a little more thought to re-word or, very often, it can be omitted without affecting the sense. A thesaurus is useful for finding alternative words.
Make sure your spelling and grammar and impeccable. If in doubt, consult a dictionary and/ or grammar book or ask someone whose knowledge of English your trust to read this through for you. Alternatively, send your personal statement to Get Into Uni Oxbridge editors http://www.getintouni.com who will edit this for you to perfection.
Make sure you haven t used over long, unwieldy sentences or paragraphs. If you have you must break these up.
That you ve started your personal statement with a powerful introduction so this captures your reader s attention straight away.
That your structure is easy to follow and that each sentence hooks into the next line.
That you finish with your future career goals.

A key advantage is to use a professional to edit and improve your personal statement. If, however you are working in isolation and do not have that advantage, be wary of allowing family or friends to read and comment on it. For one thing, an outside will be objective and critical: they may be full of praise or go to the other extreme so far as style, at least, is concerned.

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To every thing there is a season,
and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up

(Ecclesiastes 3:1-3)

Four of the boys at training tonight are preparing themselves for
their first fight at our forthcoming Christians vs. Lions
promotion, scheduled for only three weeks hence. All of these
lads are boxers.

Three of those four - Joel, Daniel and young Dave - are friends,
finishing their last year of school together. They are a great
example of how guys from different ethnic backgrounds
(Australian, Latin American, and Lebanese respectively) can still
be the best of mates. The fourth guy, Louis, is an enormous
Islander man. I m not sure whether he s Tongan or from the Cook
Islands, but he s a gentle giant really. He reminds me of
Mahendar - a regular here at the Youth Centre. They re both big,
black and burly, but with gentle hearts. Louis has a few years on
the other boys who were there tonight. He s a natural in the
ring, and plays the role of the older brother very well indeed.

These four boys are the cream of our crop in the fight club at
the moment. They are all capable pugilists, but more than that,
they are each a good embodiment of what our club is on about -
courage, integrity, self-discipline and teamwork. This isn t to
say that none of them have ever been troublemakers. Indeed, I ve
got a court appearance coming up with one of the boys, scheduled
for shortly after his fight, and he s on quite serious charges.
Even so, I ve seen nothing but positive growth since he joined
the club, and I m hoping for positive results both in his fight
and in his court case.

What is it that makes fight training such a powerful tool in the
molding of young lives? There was a time when I thought of
fighting as just another form of sport. I have come to believe
though that fight training taps into something deep in the male
psyche, in a way that no other sport does.

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When I used to talk to my old girls in the church about the
problems we had with our young people, they often used to say
what we need is another war . I always thought that that was a
terrible thing to say - that a war was the last thing that
anybody wanted. And of course the girls didn t really want a war.
They had just experienced the benefit of being part of a
community that had learnt to pull together through difficult
times. And they had seen the positive effect that soldiering
could have on the lives of young men.

I believe that men were made to fight. It s part of our genetic
makeup. We may have managed to emerge from the jungle, but
there s still a bit of the jungle in each of us, and pugilistic
activity keys right in to those ancient impulses - releasing the
wild man within.

This theory isn t original to me of course. It s part of the
fabric of the Bible - there behind every great warrior-king who
showed himself to be a mighty man of God in battle, and behind
Jacob, who went toe to toe with God Himself and yet lived to talk
about it (Genesis 32)! These were men who knew how to fight and
pray and bleed and serve.

For a more philosophical exposition on the significance of
fighting, we need look no further than Plato s Republic.

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For those who haven t read it, in the Republic Socrates explores
the concept of justice through examining both the just society
and the just individual, and then he goes on to delineate their
common elements. On the societal level he notes that a just
community is made up of a number of vital components parts:
rulers who govern, workers who labour, and an army that functions
to protect them both. In the individual he finds a similar
configuration - the mind that governs the body, the limbs that do
the work, and the themos (which is often translated as temper
or aggression ) that plays a parallel role in protecting the
individual. Justice in the Republic consists in having all of the
component parts (in either individual or society) being present
and working together properly.

In the wisdom of the ancient Greeks then, the themos is the
vital third component in the human constitution, along with the
mind and the body. Without the themos , no individual is
complete, and at a social level, no society will ever achieve a
true state of justice.

It is my opinion that one of the negative legacies of feminism in
Western culture has been an attempt to deny the themos , which
seems to be more strongly present in men than in women. This has
been for the most understandable of reasons - because of the
excesses of male violence. But perhaps it s time that we realised
that trying to eliminate themos from society altogether is like
trying to eliminate spiders and snakes because we find them
distasteful. We soon discover that the created order needs all of
its creatures - even those that some of us find ugly - if it is
to function properly.

My experience with a vast number of men is that they tend to be
either functioning as doormats to their wives and girlfriends, or
they re beating up on them. This is a reflection of the same
crisis in dealing with the themos . When we attempt to repress
the themos , it often spurts out in the most horrible and
destructive of forms. When we successfully repress it, we
emasculate our men, so that they re no longer able to stand up
for anything. Ironically, of course, such modern day men are not
only unable to offer any strength to society. They re no longer
even attractive to the women they sought to please.

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The only constructive alternative is for us to reharness the
themos and channel it creatively. We need to get in touch with
that distinctive male energy - recognise it, affirm it, and then
learn to bring it under control so that it can be put to good
use. Perhaps when we are able to do this, then we will see this
country produce leaders of the calibre of Martin Luther King Jr.,
Mother Theresa, or Mahatma Ghandi - strong people of principle
who stand up powerfully for what they believe in. As it is, our
leaders always seem to come across as being either wooses or
criminals or both. God knows we need some real men in this
country who know what it means to love their women, to be fathers
to their children, and to serve God and their community with
their strength!

Fight training, I do believe, is a means to getting at that
themos and learning to bring it under control. When done in the
right way, fight training can help a young person to discover who
they are and can help them to bring their futures into focus.
They can then come to see their role as warriors in this society
who will stand up and use their energy to build a better
community and to fight for things worth fighting for.

What about these boys who I watched training with me tonight?
Will they go on to become mighty men of God’? I don t know. But
they re on the right track, and they re further ahead now than
when they first started their training..

About the Author

‘Fighting’ Father Dave Smith - Parish Priest, community worker,
professional fighter, father of three.

Dave is the only Australian in Holy Orders to turn pro boxer to
help fund his work. He is Parish Priest in Dulwich Hill, Sydney,
and has received numerous awards for his work with young people

Get a free preview of his book, ‘Sex, the Ring & the Eucharist’
when you sign up for Dave’s newsletter at www.fatherdave.org

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Most of us grow up strongly influenced by the concept that
‘It is better to give than to receive’. For many of us,
it becomes more than a nice sentiment, but a way of being.
We take it to heart so much that we interpret it literally,
and that’s where we often get ourselves into trouble!

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That’s often the problem with maxims. They’re effective
because they’re short and to the point. However, it’s
assumed that the entire context and meaning is understood.

For example, ‘It’s better to give than to receive’
assumes that we understand that the balance of life, the
joy of it, is in giving AND receiving. Many people need
reminding that there is joy in both, but that the greater
joy is in giving. It could be considered a mini-sermon to
those that believe ‘Take care of yourself’ means life is
about them, that the universe and everything in it was
created to satisfy their every whim. To me, ‘Take care of
yourself’ means making sure that your needs are given the
same importance as everyone else’s.

Even when we initially understand the original intent of a
message, years of constant repetition tends to make us
forget. Using our own experience and predisposition to
guide us, we start creating our own context. For example,
‘It’s better to give than to receive’ could start
meaning we should only give and never receive. This creates
a whole series of life problems. I suspect that many people
who interpret giving in this way find it difficult to
succeed in business because they have trouble charging the
correct price and end up giving product or service away.
These are usually the same people who would never consider
taking anything from someone else without paying full
price.

Individuals who take this to the extreme also believe
‘Giving, goood. Receiving, baaaad.’ This now adds an
element of judgment, not necessarily of other people’s
receiving (they do need someone to give to), but certainly
of themselves. With a belief like that, taking or receiving
of any kind, even their ‘fair share’, creates an
uncomfortable state of being. Receiving for them means they
are ‘out of integrity’ where ‘being in integrity’ means
your actions match your words match your beliefs. They are
usually the first ones to offer aid, time, money, even
their seat on a bus. It’s just more comfortable to unload
whatever they have received at the earliest opportunity and
it is almost painful for them if they have something and
someone around them is going without.

There are even deeper issues around giving-ness for many
people. Although ‘chronic’ givers usually say they don’t
want anything in return, the truth is they are deeply hurt
when nothing is offered. They begin to feel used and
abused. Resentments begin to pile up until one day there is
a massive explosion. Of course, the guilt one feels after
such an explosion often results in giving even more in an
attempt to make up for the outburst. And it’s not just
guilt for the explosion itself, but for the very fact that
they wanted something in the first place. Very often, there
are major issues around self-esteem and deservingness
involved here.

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As individuals gain the awareness that life is also about
receiving, they usually begin the process of healing. An
issue that often surfaces at this point deals with their
self-identity. Giving is so much a part of their nature
that, when they first open themselves to the prospect of
receiving, they feel that they have to make a choice. It
appears that the only way to change their behavior is to
stop doing what they are doing, to stop giving. But they
like helping others, they prefer their loving and giving
nature, it’s who they ARE.

The solution, of course, is that they don’t have to stop
being who they are, they don’t have to stop giving. They
just have to allow themselves to start receiving!

One way to help make this shift is to stop thinking of
yourself as a giver and to start thinking of yourself as
being generous. These may appear the same at first, but
there are some considerable differences between the two.

First, instead of saying ‘I am a giver’ we say ‘I am
generous’. Being a giver (like any role we have in life)
implies certain responsibilities and rules. It tends to
restrict us in how we think about ourselves and often
forces us to give way past the point where it is healthy.
Being generous implies that we are a person who is able to
share what we have. That there is plenty for me and you can
have some too.

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Giving can imply that there isn’t enough to go around.
Being generous comes from a place of abundance. You’ve all
heard (and can relate to, I’m sure) the expression ‘Give
til it hurts.’ To immediately feel the difference between
the two concepts, try saying ‘Be generous til it hurts.’
I’m sure you have the same reaction that I do. It doesn’t
quite compute. It’s an oxymoron and my face scrunches up as
I try to put these words together. [Ok, it’s not
attractive, but it’s how I know that my brain is working
hard!]

Giving feels good, but being generous feels joyful. Giving
often feels like a ’should’, while generosity is a gift
from the heart. Giving is a ‘doing’ while generosity is a
‘being’. Giving is an action and generosity a trait.
Giving seems to imply scarcity while generosity implies
reserves. Giving is often about you while generosity shifts
the focus to the receiver. Giving can often have strings,
but generosity feels unconditional. Giving is one way,
while generosity encompasses receiving as well. I’m sure
you will come up with many more distinctions as you start
thinking about this and applying it to your own life.

I have been ‘trying on’ this concept for a few weeks now.
I can only say that I feel a lightness that I haven’t felt
for a long time. As I write this, I am realizing that
before this shift, giving felt like a compulsion. But being
generous of spirit is a choice that I make freely, a gift
from my heart that leaves me feeling whole.

About the Author

(c) Louise Morganti Kaelin. Louise is a Life Success Coach
who partners with individuals who are READY (to live their
best life), WILLING (to explore all options) and ABLE (to
accept total support). Find many free resources to assist
you in living the life of your dreams at
http://www.touchpointcoaching.com For her free newsletter
of insightful, practical suggestions for creating your best
life, email mailto:on-536@ezezine.com

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